LiftedUpByAngels

How long has it been since my words have flowed easily from me? When was the last time I felt the release of tension so easily fulfilled by pen to paper? I have changed over the years. I am no longer the girl I was before. I am an aunt, a fiance, an intern and an English major. Soon I will be a bride, a wife and a mother in years to come. Everything from the deep brown hair that flows past my shoulders to the sparkling engagement ring that twinkles on my finger is a reminder that I am not that girl. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be her again, and then another part of me realizes I never want to.

Have I fallen so far? When did I go from strong to crying for attention? When did I start acting like I needed help? I thought things of my past made me strong and brave, Although they still burn with a never ending pain. I pride myself in being able to look a problem dead on. I wait for the bottom to drop out, And become pleasantly surprised when I’m wrong. Sometimes I feel like we truly are as opposite as the Sun and the Moon You as over whelming sunshine, eager to show everything Allowing nothing to hide in shadow if you can Warm and unaware I as the cold and distant moon beams. Faded and beautiful, yet faithful and exci

I feel as though I am standing in the middle of an old country road with no one around for miles. The grey tint of the day from the groggy rain that was pouring down makes it cold and uneventful. I am standing in the middle of a four way stop, and I want nothing more then to go home. But no way leads me there. One is twisted and complicated filled with endless wandering and confusion. One is smooth and bordered with flowers, but it is not my home at the end but someone else’s.  Another is cold and covered with thorns never a place of real comfort. The last is frightening and filled with endless forks even if I do decide that path. it

My throat feels tight and my stomach is churning like it did all those years ago. Lately my heart is only half into everything I do minus the few days a week I get to be home and yet the knowledge of having to leave again makes the darkness still linger on the edge of everything we do. Looking at my life is like looking at a water stained picture with all the colors running down to where you can barely recognize what it once was. All the people in it and even yourself are noting but a blurred image… Accept 3 days a week. But one thing I am beginning to learn more and more is that the other 4 days are beginning to rip me apart from the in

Some days frustration boils in my veins till I feel like I can’t hold it in any more and all I can do is scream until my lungs become soar. There was a time when I always had someone to turn too. Always had an answer to find. No my questions stay unanswered and confusion keeps me in torment for half the night. The cold sweat I wake up in due to the nightmares of running from something I can’t escape. No matter how hard I try its right there behind me and as I finally fall I wake up with a start shivering and confused. Wondering what the dreams mean. “That was probably the good lords way of telling me to slow down” he said

Disappointment is realizing you’re not as pretty as you used to be. Disappointment is finding out you aren’t as fun as you used to be. Disappointment is learning that no matter how hard you try you’ll never be more then an average student. Disappointment is hear the ones you care for most tell you without hesitation how to lose weight. Disappointment is finding out your dad really is leaving… and even though you have had 18 years to prepare for it… it still sucks… Disappointment is learning that maybe others aren’t as happy as you thought they were. Disappointment is not being able to make friends in

When you are not here Life goes on The sun rises and sets The flowers bloom The night sky twinkles But I don’t feel it without you I don’t feel life I feel heavy And I feel tired I feel as though everything has been taken out of me As though I can’t make it through tomorrow Without you here today While life continues on My home is where my heart is And you are the sole holder of my heart My dreams My wishes My hopes My life… is only a life with you…

I feel… strange. No ring around my neck No nightmares of the hospital He exists now Only in my memories Truly a guardian angel rather then a ghost of so long ago Looking to the future I could have with someone else Rather then the life that was stolen And living each day   For the time we have Rather then the fear of when it all ends.