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About Deviant KaylynneFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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How long has it been since my words have flowed easily from me? When was the last time I felt the release of tension so easily fulfilled by pen to paper? I have changed over the years. I am no longer the girl I was before. I am an aunt, a fiance, an intern and an English major. Soon I will be a bride, a wife and a mother in years to come. Everything from the deep brown hair that flows past my shoulders to the sparkling engagement ring that twinkles on my finger is a reminder that I am not that girl. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be her again, and then another part of me realizes I never want to.
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Sun and the Moon
Have I fallen so far?
When did I go from strong to crying for attention?
When did I start acting like I needed help?
I thought things of my past made me strong and brave,
Although they still burn with a never ending pain.
I pride myself in being able to look a problem dead on.
I wait for the bottom to drop out,
And become pleasantly surprised when I’m wrong.
Sometimes I feel like we truly are as opposite as the Sun and the Moon
You as over whelming sunshine, eager to show everything
Allowing nothing to hide in shadow if you can
Warm and unaware
I as the cold and distant moon beams.
Faded and beautiful, yet faithful and exciting.
All too aware, and trying to avoid the truth.
My past, though painful, makes me who I am
Never too trusting, though not appearing to be suspicious
Seeming to open up while still hiding what really matters.
And your inability to see past that part of me is what really draws a firm line.
Even my best friend can have a hard time seeing through my mask
A hard
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Theres no place like...?
I feel as though I am standing in the middle of an old country road with no one around for miles. The grey tint of the day from the groggy rain that was pouring down makes it cold and uneventful. I am standing in the middle of a four way stop, and I want nothing more then to go home. But no way leads me there. One is twisted and complicated filled with endless wandering and confusion. One is smooth and bordered with flowers, but it is not my home at the end but someone else’s.  Another is cold and covered with thorns never a place of real comfort. The last is frightening and filled with endless forks even if I do decide that path. it’s a very long cold journey down that path alone… but perhaps with someone it could be warm and even a little exciting. But that path is a lot to ask of someone… I have no choice it seems… I want so badly to go home and lay down, but there is no home to go too… an endless array of emptiness and horrible searching. I l
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Dieing inside
My throat feels tight and my stomach is churning like it did all those years ago. Lately my heart is only half into everything I do minus the few days a week I get to be home and yet the knowledge of having to leave again makes the darkness still linger on the edge of everything we do. Looking at my life is like looking at a water stained picture with all the colors running down to where you can barely recognize what it once was. All the people in it and even yourself are noting but a blurred image… Accept 3 days a week. But one thing I am beginning to learn more and more is that the other 4 days are beginning to rip me apart from the inside. My heart feels like it will never be full again. I see laughing faces of those who have made new friends and I feel as though I just want to run home and never look back. Never return to this cold dangerous place again filled with people who are so inconsiderate and selfish. To where I am not drowning in even the simplest of tasks given by my
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Sushi by LiftedUpByAngels Sushi :iconliftedupbyangels:LiftedUpByAngels 0 3
Some days frustration boils in my veins till I feel like I can’t hold it in any more and all I can do is scream until my lungs become soar. There was a time when I always had someone to turn too. Always had an answer to find. No my questions stay unanswered and confusion keeps me in torment for half the night. The cold sweat I wake up in due to the nightmares of running from something I can’t escape. No matter how hard I try its right there behind me and as I finally fall I wake up with a start shivering and confused. Wondering what the dreams mean. “That was probably the good lords way of telling me to slow down” he said to me. Why did his voice run through my mind when I woke the other morning? Slow down from what? What are you trying to tell me? Am I trying to understand things I am not meant to know?  Will I be driving sometime in the future and remember these words to miss a car by milliseconds?  Why am I here still? What is keeping me in th
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Disappointment is realizing you’re not as pretty as you used to be.
Disappointment is finding out you aren’t as fun as you used to be.
Disappointment is learning that no matter how hard you try you’ll never be more then an average student.
Disappointment is hear the ones you care for most tell you without hesitation how to lose weight.
Disappointment is finding out your dad really is leaving… and even though you have had 18 years to prepare for it… it still sucks…
Disappointment is learning that maybe others aren’t as happy as you thought they were.
Disappointment is not being able to make friends in a school of 30,000.
Disappointment is watching weeks and weeks go by of wasted days… day’s where you do nothing but wish for the weekend. An entire year of your life flying by in a blur of unhappiness accept for two days a week.
Disappointment is finding out that all of the things you lack come so easily to others,
Disappointment is learning tha
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Home is where the heart is
When you are not here
Life goes on
The sun rises and sets
The flowers bloom
The night sky twinkles
But I don’t feel it without you
I don’t feel life
I feel heavy
And I feel tired
I feel as though everything has been taken out of me
As though I can’t make it through tomorrow
Without you here today
While life continues on
My home is where my heart is
And you are the sole holder of my heart
My dreams
My wishes
My hopes
My life… is only a life with you…
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I feel… strange.
No ring around my neck
No nightmares of the hospital
He exists now
Only in my memories
Truly a guardian angel rather then a ghost of so long ago
Looking to the future I could have with someone else
Rather then the life that was stolen
And living each day   
For the time we have
Rather then the fear of when it all ends.
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Peacock by LiftedUpByAngels Peacock :iconliftedupbyangels:LiftedUpByAngels 0 1
I stare at the pictures of you and I on my wall
I want to go home
Tears flow down my face as I try to fall asleep at night but the noise is unbearable
I want to go home
I remember running my fingers through you curly hair
I want to go home
I think about you while I stare out the window in class
I want to go home
I take a shower and barely feel the water run over my skin
I want to go home
My heart is cold when I don’t have you here
I want to go home
I feel completely numb without you
I want to go home
People walk by and I barley notice them
I want to go home
I see a little boy run by decked out in his football gear
I want to go home
I only have to deal with this for a few more months
But I want to go home
I rush to see you every Friday
Because I want to go home
Figuring out I can’t do this anymore
I don’t want to be away from you
And as long as you still have no problem with it
No one is keeping me from you
I’m coming home…
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Every waves a part of the plan
The water rolls over my feet as memories of long ago dance around my mind and fade again
Like the waves that crash and then retreat
My feelings swirl and foam inside me
I take a step out
And even though I am so frightened
I know its what I need to do
One foot in
The night of the play
One kiss on the lips
Walking away with my mind buzzing
Up to my knees
Prom night
My head on your chest
Thinking of dancing on the floor
Up to my waist
Seeing you again downtown
Feeling your arms around me while we spin around
Up to my chest
The first time at your house
Meeting your family
Getting to like them
Up to my neck
Telling you I love you
Dreaming about the future
Missing you so much it hurts
Can’t keep my head up
Longing for you with each passing day
Trying to imagine your arms around me while I am falling asleep
Almost in tears each time you leave each Sunday
In over my head…
Realizing that every time I said I love you
I meant it more then I could ever form into words
And longing for the
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If I could burn every smile
Every tear
Every laugh
Every memory
Out of my mind
And stop remembering why I miss you this much
I really think I would
The wound hasn’t healed
And I wonder if it ever will
I stare into the sun set
And I feel the cold dance on my skin
But I feel it only because I know its supposed to be there
I try to block out everything
Try to understand
But the pain wont end
I don’t want to think of you
I don’t want to hear from you
I don’t want anyone I know to be near you
I want nothing but to burn the filthy fingerprints from everything I own
Of a traitor too cowardly to face her victim
A hate more powerful then ever before
And bitterness sour and venomous
Latch an icy hand around my heart
The warmth and happiness I once felt
Is lost forever
And is replaced
By the most powerful loathing
I never could have even begun to imagine
Betrayal is by far the worst of all crimes
And no matter the reason
The love I once felt is…
Fuck you
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Thats code for I love you
If I close my eyes tight enough
I can see you again
Laying next to me for the first time
So many things jumping around in my head
And I still lack the courage to say them
I want to just yell them out
To tell you all the things I love about you
But silence still goes on
Fear grips me… fear of what, I don’t know
Fear that if I admit how much I care you will run away?
Fear of letting you in totally?
Fear of letting you be part of day to day life.
But these things are happening all on their own
Still silence wins
My voice is stolen
My throat closes tight
At night a silent tear falls
For the things I can’t do
Things I never said
Its happened in the past
That I never got a chance to say them again
I show through little things
Each having their own meaning
Poke on the nose= You look so cute
Scratch up and down your chest= You look sexy
Head on your chest= You’re wonderful
Rub my nose to yours= You drive me crazy
Hand on your cheek= I’m falling in love with you
Kiss yo
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Three little words
Its getting harder and harder to leave him now
My heart aches without him
The week days are torture
The nights are cold
But the weekends
The weekends are Magic…
And my dreams…
My dreams are flying
His touch on my heart
Seems to have mended years of damage
I find myself biting back those three words
My head tells me its too soon for that
But my heart…
My heart knows better…
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Round one
I haven’t worn those old shorts for over a year
And yet I find myself staring at then for long moments willing to put them on
I had forgotten how much I like having my hair short
Or how much I loved that smell of that old lotion
I had forgotten what it was like to do what I wanted
And here I am with someone who I have know for years now
Who knows me very well
And yet I still find myself terrified that he over looked something
Any moment he will realize that he was wrong
And run like others
I have a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach every time we speak
I count the days till the weekend
And yet I feel if I could just stop talking for two seconds I would have a lot less to worry about
Where did these feelings come from?
Where they always there?
They don’t feel new
I had just… never noticed
There are a lot of things I just never noticed
I never noticed when I started caring what others thought
I never noticed how afraid I was to take chances
I never noticed
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United States
Current Residence: Home
Favourite genre of music: Country
MP3 player of choice: Ipod
Skin of choice: Human
Favourite cartoon character: Grr from Invador Zim
Personal Quote: "There's no limitaion on imagination"


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Toop Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Last visited 131 weeks ago :(
NessaPalmer Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2007  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the :+fav:s
NessaPalmer Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2007  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the :+fav:
Toop Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Woohoo for friendness!

All your stuff is still in my inbox, I will get to it! And the other 200+ deviations in there :blush:
LiftedUpByAngels Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2007
Lol well then. Its good to hear from you! thats one of the strangest comments I have gotten from you. lol Its cool though!
Toop Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I get that way sometimes :laughing:
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